


avoid tomatoes (they cause all misunderstandings)

by itsabouttorain



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Misunderstandings, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tokyo Training Camp Arc (Haikyuu), Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend, rated teens and above because the word fuck is used like twice, this was meant to be kurotsukki centric but bokuaka took over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28233741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsabouttorain/pseuds/itsabouttorain
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou liked to consider himself as a considerate person. He drank his respect women juice daily, and he understood that all body types were normal and beautiful.So then why were the first words from his soulmate: "Imagine fatshaming people in this day and age? You're fucking pathetic."AKA: No matter how juicy the tomato you just bit into was, the appropriate reaction is not to say: "Wow, that was one PHAT boi."Prompt: Soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you is tattooed on your wrist.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 194





	avoid tomatoes (they cause all misunderstandings)

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to consider himself as a considerate person. He drank his respect women juice daily, and he understood that all body types were normal and beautiful.

So then why were the first words from his soulmate: "Imagine fatshaming people in this day and age? You're fucking pathetic."

He didn't quite know what to think. 

Even though he'd kept his wrist covered since he was eight and finally comprehended the weight of the words, it was useless. He had the sentence committed to memory, and it lingered in the back of his mind during every waking hour.

Throughout most of middle school, he was a lonely kid. He had Kenma, the shy neighbor that also covered his wrist (be it for privacy or the same reason as Tetsurou), but nobody else dared speak to the boy demonized by the entire female population lest they ruin their chances with some cute upperclassman girl.

Oddly enough, his only repreive was volleyball. Despite not being able to keep his wrists covered during practices or games, it was the safest he felt in his skin. Who had the time to let their eyes flit over to his wrist when they could be paying attention to his killer receives?

And if anybody did happen to read the entire phrase, they had the decency not to mention it.

Tetsurou lived his childhood as a quiet boy, side by side with Kenma, but that norm was shattered in his first year of high school. Nekoma had hosted a joint practice with Fukurodani Academy, which was where Tetsurou first met him.

The loudest, most exuberant, ball of sunshine, happy-go-lucky person to ever exist in the same room as him. His bestest, greatest bro to ever be a bro, Bokuto Koutarou. 

Or as Kenma referred to him, 'louder, more volleyball-brained Kurō.' 

(When Kenma entered high school he also began to consider Bokuto a close friend, but he would rather throw his PSP in a dumpster than admit so.)

Tetsurou had been quietly cleaning up the equipment so his upperclassmen could go home more quickly when a boy with the strangest hair bounded up to him, eyes sparkling with an almost concerning amount of excitement.

"Hey! Are you a first year too? My upperclassmen say they've never seen you, so you have to be one," the boy blurted out. "How are your spikes so good? Can we practice together sometime? How often do you practice sp-" 

A firm hand clasped the boy's shoulder, cutting off his passionate sphiel. "Sorry about Bokuto, he gets a little overexcited sometimes. Was he bothering you?" the new boy asked. An upperclassman, Tetsurou supposed.

Without even thinking, he blurted out, "Do you want to be friends?"

His sudden proclamation was startling to all three of them, but if anything, the stars in Bokuto's eyes started to shine even brighter.

"Yes! Can we exchange numbers?" Bokuto practically yelled. 

Despite Bokuto being the exact opposite of his only friend for years, Tetsurou felt like they were going to get along well. 

\-----

Bokuto became Koutarou after one year, and they messaged frequently as time passed.

Yet, despite how often Koutarou messaged Tetsurou with unimportant things he thought were of utmost importance, he'd never left Tetsurou seventeen missed calls to get his attention.

When his phone rang once more, he answered the call and was immediately greeted with a long stream of screaming that sounded vaguely like "bro" and "Tetsu".

"Hey Brokuto, what's up?" he asked, partly out of curiosity and partly to get his bro to stop yelling for a few seconds.

"Tetsubro! You'll never believe it!" 

Tetsurou chuckled a bit. He didn't think he could ever get tired of his bro's excitement, simply because it was so positively infectious. 

"You won't know if I'll believe you until you tell me what happened. Did the stray cat by the konbini finally let you pet it?" Tetsurou joked.

"I found my soulmate, bro!" Koutarou exclaimed, somehow radiating the energy of a thousand suns through the phone.

"You're right. I don't believe you."

"I don't believe it either! My soulmate's the prettiest person ever!" In the background, Tetsurou could hear a faint "don't tell lies, Bokuto-san" that squashed any and all doubts he harbored, if only for a moment. "Do you want to talk to him? Or come over and meet him?"

"Brokuto, you know I love you bro, but practice starts in five minutes and I bet you haven't changed yet." Tetsurou paused for a moment, and added as an afterthought: "Please keep my bro responsible, soulmate-san."

The last thing he heard before the call cut off was an affirmation from the mystery soulmate and indignant squawks from Koutarou. Laughing to himself, he shut his phone off, shoved it in his locker, and ran to join the rest of his teammates in the gym.

Morisuke and Nobuyuki were already stretching in a corner by the time Tetsurou joined them. Nobuyuki lifted his head and nodded in acknowledgement, but Morisuke didn't even bat an eye upon hearing the approaching footsteps.

"Was the astaxanthin boy having stomach problems?" Morisuke quipped, pushing his knees toward the ground.

"Koutarou was leaving me calls and I had to answer him before he blew up my phone," Tetsurou stated matter-of-factly. "Stop making statements that prove you're lacking docosahexaenoic acid."

As a child, joking around with students his age seemed like a distant dream. It felt odd, but comforting. 

"Is everything alright at Fukurodani?" asked Nobuyuki, eyes furrowed together in concern.

"Isn't it his first day as a second year?" Morisuke paused his stretches to look up at Tetsurou. "What could he possibly have done already? Shattered the ceiling lamps? Angered the local law enforcement? Set off the fire alarm, again?"

Tetsurou mock-pouted and sniffled dramatically. "Why do you guys assume the worst of my best bro?" he proclaimed. "He just met his soulmate and wanted to tell me immediately, and you immediately think he destroyed something!"

Nobuyuki nodded his head in contemplation. "They're all valid guesses though, Tetsurou. Who else would set off a fire alarm on the first day of their first year because they wanted to know how firm 'press firmly' meant?"

"Nobody but Bokuto," Morisuke answered. "Let's hope his soulmate isn't as chaotic as he is, or else we'll be doomed."

"I didn't get to meet him yet, but I'm pretty sure he's more subdued than my bro is."

(During the next joint practice with Fukurodani, Tetsurou got to meet Akaashi, his best bro's soulmate and setter. The younger boy was more quiet and reserved, but on the court, he moved with Koutarou like they'd been practicing for an entire lifetime. 

Despite knowing what the first words from his soulmate would be like, he couldn't help but wish for the same thing.)

\-----

Tetsurou found it difficult to swallow the bitter feeling of jealousy he felt whenever his best bro would drape himself all over his soulmate, no matter how wrong it was. 

It was strange. He'd been used to Koutarou being touchy-feely with Akaashi for the past year, but for the last month, it had been really grating on his nerves. Knowing that his soulmate would hate him upon meeting him really put a damper on his spirits, and being in the constant presence of such a happy pair felt like rubbing salt in the wound.

(He wouldn't ever dare admit it, but the longing looks they sent when they thought the other wasn't looking made his heart pang with loneliness.)

But he knew he had to put on a brave face, if only for the upcoming week. As proud captain of Nekoma's volleyball team, working alongside his best bro being captain of Fukurodani's volleyball team, he was determined to make this summer camp go smoothly. 

Also, if Kenma noticed that he was acting oddly, he would definitely force Tetsurou to confront his feelings. Tetsurou had resigned himself to an eternity of dodging the issue, at least when the issue pertained to his soulmate mark. Morisuke would laugh in his face, Nobuyuki would give him endless looks of pity, and Kenma would give him that one look that made him feel strangely vulnerable.

Tetsurou hated the look.

Soulmate issues aside, Karasuno High would be attending the summer training camp for the first time in years. Kenma was barely concealing his excitement to see the tiny tangerine boy and Tetsurou had been keeping in contact with Sawamura since their first joint practice. He was amusingly easy to rile up, but despite how irritating Tetsurou knew he could be at times, Daichi never failed to answer a question about his equally-embarrassing soulmate mark. 

(Tetsurou thought that being called a fatphobe was bad enough, but Sawamura had 'What's up stepbro, you're looking fine today' permanently etched into his skin. Upon first receiving his soulmark, Sawamura said that he had been petrified and resigned himself to googling if siblings had ever received each other's soulmarks.

Even though he never found any reported cases of such a thing, Sawamura and Tetsurou both agreed that Sugawara Koushi was an absolute menace.)

When Karasuno first made their dramatic entrance, Tetsurou began feeling the odd sensation of bitterness trickling through his veins. Instinctively, he glanced toward his bro and Akaashi, but they were standing several feet apart from each other. How odd.

He tried to shrug off the feeling as to not let it throw him off his game, but even after losing three consecutive matches due to his lackluster blocking, it took all of his energy to just stay on his feet. Not even Kenma's death glare after having to complete multiple rounds of diving drills could shake him out of this strange headspace. 

All he had to do was make it until lunch. Nothing had the same level of revitalizing power as white rice after a grueling practice, not even Koutarou's bone-crushing hugs. 

Nekoma suffered an embarrassing amount of losses that morning, but at least his coaches had the mercy to not question what had gotten their captain in such a slump. Because if they did, he wouldn't have an answer to give them.

Tetsurou didn't think 'I'm feeling irrational jealousy since my soulmate's going to hate me and call me a bigot' would be an acceptable response.

When the coaches announced that it was time for lunch, Tetsurou nearly cried in relief. Kenma gave him a strange look, but Koutarou came over and slung his right arm over him to drag him to the cafeteria.

The left arm was reserved for Akaashi. 

His mind was foggy and he could barely pay attention to where he was going, but somehow he managed to load his tray high with white rice, mackerel, and salad. Moving on autopilot, he followed Koutarou to a table in the corner and dropped his entire weight on the bench with an ungraceful thunk.

He vaguely heard Koutarou's voice in the corner of his mind, but he wasn't quite lucid until he'd finished three-quarters of his bowl of rice. By the time Tetsurou snapped back to reality, he registered Akaashi telling Koutarou that he wanted to invite someone to their night practices at the third gym.

"Can weh mrrpf thm?" he asked, mouth still crammed with rice.

"Please ask that again after swallowing your food, Kuroo-san," Akaashi deadpanned. Rolling his eyes, Tetsurou complied.

"Can we meet them?" Upon registering Tetsurou's request, Akaashi seemed to scan the cafeteria, looking for whoever the person was. 

"I can bring them over right now, so you can gauge if you'd feel comfortable with someone new."

Koutarou made a needy sound as Akaashi rose from the bench, but was quickly silenced with a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. Tetsurou fake gagged, and his bro slapped his arm. Full force. Tetsurou winced.

Somehow, despite being stacked like a bodybuilder, Koutarou had the heart of a teddy bear and seemed to frequently forget the strength he possesed outside of volleyball. After rubbing where he'd been hit, he retaliated with a punch to his bro's arm, even though he knew it wouldn't hurt nearly as much.

Koutarou yelped in indignance, and Tetsurou let out the cackle of a hyena before stuffing a mouthful of salad in his mouth.

Oh.

He wasn't really a fan of tomatoes on burgers, much less cherry tomatoes, but something about the way the juice exploded in his mouth revitalized him in a peculiar way. It was sour and tangy-sweet, but regardless, this single tomato was juicy and delicious enough to make him reconsider every prejudice he had ever harbored against tomatoes.

"You look like you're enjoying your salad, bro!" Koutarou exclaimed, surprisingly coherently around a mouthful of salad himself. 

Tetsurou placed his chin in his palm, and let out a reluctant sigh. "That was one PHAT boi," he exhaled, closing his eyes in bliss. To his side, he heard a disgusted scoff. 

"Imagine fatshaming people in this day and age? You're fucking pathetic."

Upon hearing the words that had haunted him for the past seventeen years, Tetsurou snapped his eyes open. Standing next to Akaashi was the blond megane-kun from Karasuno, as well as the freckled green-haired kid. Judging by how irritated the megane-kun looked, Tetsurou was fairly certain that he was the one that spoke.

Before he could fully think over his response, the words that tumbled out of his mouth were: "Calm your tits, I was talking about a tomato."

Tetsurou watched with a slightly sadistic glee as all the stages of grief took turns manifesting on his soulmate's face. Akaashi watched by the side in confusion, and Koutarou, who knew what was written on Tetsurou's wrist, was content to watch shit go down.

Something must've clicked in the mind of the freckled friend, since he was the first one to break the silence with his laughter.

"Oh my god, Tsukki! I can't believe you ended up saying that to your soulmate! See, this is why I told you to be a little nicer to people you're meeting for the first time."

Megane-kun flushed a brilliant red, but his dignity seemed intact enough to snap out a curt "Shut up, Yamaguchi."

All the pressure that had been building up inside him for years seemed to disintegrate in a second. He didn't inadvertently fatshame someone and get called out on it. It was just a misundertanding. He could breathe easy.

Tetsurou looked at his soulmate and decided that he quite liked how megane-kun looked when he was flustered. Subconsciously, the provocation master side of him crept to the surface and decided to take the reins by twisting his neutral expression into a cocky smirk. Akaashi, unfortunately familiar with this side of him, tried to stop him with a halfhearted "Kuroo-san no-"

"Tsukki, was it?" Kuroo purred, making direct eye contact with the blond. "How cute. You're not what I was expecting, but I can't say I'm disappointed."

"Only Yamaguchi gets to call me that," megane-kun stated bluntly, before somehow getting even redder and storming off. Freckles, or Yamaguchi, sighed in disappointment.

"Sorry about that, Kuroo-senpai. Tsukki's shy. I can give you his number, if you'd like?" freckles offered. The boy held out his hand, and Tetsurou handed his phone over. "I don't know how he really feels about being called Tsukki, but I think he'd enjoy being called Kei more."

Freckles handed the phone back to Tetsurou, and ran off to comfort his friend. Akaashi, who was now perched in Koutarou's lap, fixed a look of utter disappointment on the older boy.

"I don't know why I expected that interaction to go well, but I thought you were better than that, Kuroo-san," Akaashi said. "Good job. You scared the poor boy off."

(Tetsurou was inclined to agree with Akaashi on his last point, but he was pleasantly proven wrong by Kei peeking his head into the door of the third gym that night, bashfully asking Tetsurou to teach him how to block better.

Considering what he had expected his soulmate to be like, snarky-sweet Kei wasn't bad at all.)

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this is the first fic I've ever posted that's NOT a self insert. I'm proud of myself, even if this idea came from a stupid origin. 
> 
> I bit into a juicy tomato and my first thought was "ooh what a phat boi", and then my second thought was "wait no fatshaming is bad". I then proceeded to think: what if someone had either of those sentences on their wrist? And thus this fic was born. 
> 
> Leave comments if your sense of humor is similar to mine in any way? I crave and seek external validation. :)


End file.
